Playtime
by cheri1
Summary: 10th Doctor. Part of Something Old, Something New series. Takes place after The Camping Trip. The Doctor and Alan have a little playtime with their children. FINISHED.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

I tell ya, sometimes life is so good.

I never used to think that, mind. Centuries ago, I thought life was a piece of shite but that was back before I found my family and learned how to be happy again. In the two hundred and thirty five years since I'd been with them, we'd had our twists and turns, our ups and downs, moments of joy and moments of sorrow but we've always managed to get through them and come out stronger than before.

Of course we had that crisis ten years ago but even that ended happily when my wife and I gave birth to three wonderful treasures. Three more children to add to our happy brood. That's something else I never thought I would be back before I met Alan for the second time. Up until I met Madison and Dorothy, I'd only been a father to Dex and I wasn't much of a father, truth be told. I always regretted not being there for him and when Dot asked to be my daughter, I was determined to get it right the second time and now after several children, who I'm happy to say are well rounded, happy adults, I have the skills necessary to tackle three hyperactive ten year olds. A boy and two girls who I'm exceedingly proud of. My darlings, who two years ago began their formal Time Lord and Lady training. My Chaska and Sokanon went off to the Time Lord academy and my darling little Namid started lessons with the TARDIS since up until recently she was blind and since she's the first blind child to be born on New Gallifrey, there was no way they could accommodate her disability. But now that she can see again, she'll go with her brother and sister to the academy as soon as she's caught up on reading and writing.

Ah, the academy. I helped found that along with my family and unlike the dull, strict academy I went to in my youth, this academy focuses on both the intellectual and creative sides of the brain. So much so, that most students chose a sort of second course of study in addition to their Time Lord training. My Soki is a brilliant artist, been drawin' since she could hold a pencil in her hand, so she's taking art classes. Chaska is gifted musically and is learning the violin and guitar and since Namid grew up with her Braille books, she's developed a love of reading and now wants to write books of her own. I couldn't be more proud of all of them.

So from nine in the morning till three in the afternoon, Sokanon and Chaska are at the academy with their cousins and Namid is with the TARDIS in a special classroom my ship built where Mi-mi can learn from her without any distractions. And for the moment, that's where I'm at too, although I'm in my lab rather than the classroom. My dimensional stabilizer is a bit wonky so I'm spending the afternoon working on it so we can go out and have more adventures in my ship.

Anyway, here I am, tinkering with this ruddy dimensional stabilizer that seems to break down more and more as the years go by. I believe the old girl is feeling her age now and I can't blame her because sometimes I feel that way as well.

I didn't hear my Namid when she came to the lab door. Even though I'm glad she's cured, it's odd not hearing that click, click, click her cane made. That did have its uses since Namid was and still is a very active little girl. I was so engrossed in my work that Namid startled me when she came up to my side to see what I was doing. All three children have inherited my natural curiosity for things and she's constantly at my side, asking questions and seeing what I'm doing. And even more so now that she can see.

"Hey, whatcha doin'?" Namid asked, leaning in so she can see better.

I grin at that, deciding I'll be a bit cheeky with the little scamp.

"It's a flippy-flopper hoopajoob," I say with wide eyes. "Makes turnips."

"Right, Daddy, pull the other one," she says.

God, I love her accent. Because I speak with a Cockney accent and my wife speaks with an American one, my children sorta split the difference and all three of them drift in and out of both accents depending on what word they're saying, so it's sorta this weird pseudo British/American accent that's not quite Cockney but not quite American either. It's as if an American is occasionally trying to be British or vice versa. And thanks to growing up around the two of us and Alan, my children also use both British and American words, idioms and slang which is also amusing to me. I often joke to Rain that it's a good thing we live on New Gallifrey because the poor dears would be gawked at in two separate countries on two separate continents on Earth.

"What is it really, Daddy?" Namid asks.

"It's a dimensional stabilizer," I reply.

My daughter nods sagely as if she knows exactly what that is. Another trait I suspect she picked up from her mother since her mother has often done the same thing when I know she hasn't a clue what I'm on about.

"You 'bout done?" she asks.

"Not really, why?"

"I want you to come play."

"Mi-mi, I'm a bit busy right now and aren't you s'posed to be studying with the TARDIS?"

I can tell from the are you a moron look on her face that once again I have misjudged the time. I glance at my watch and see it's half past three. Yup, I'm a moron. Luckily, my brother picks his son up along with my children and comes back in the evening with Rose to join us for tea, otherwise my son and daughter would be standing there most days for hours on end waiting for their thick father to realize the time and come get them. That is one thing that has not changed with being a father, my ability to keep track of time.

"Alright, I see that lessons have ended but I'm still busy here," I protest as I point to the stabilizer. "Go ask your Uncle Alan to play with you and your brother and sister or find Rei and play with her."

Rei, the fox that Imiko left with us has been a constant companion of my children almost from the moment she arrived. She also fancies the TARDIS and just like Blizzard centuries before, I often find her curled up on my jump seat, happily dozing. God, I miss those dogs. I never realized how much I missed having animals around until Rei came to live with us.

"You're always fixing things!" Namid says, throwing her hands up. "I don't wanna play with Uncle Alan or Rei, I wanna play with you. You need to get out of this TARDIS and have some fun!"

As she says the last statement, she has a stern look on her face and is wagging her finger at me and I'm reminded of how many times my wife has done and said the same thing whenever I spend long hours in the TARDIS working on stuff. In truth, I really have been in here for hours. I was in here before Namid came in for her lessons and now that I'm not fixated on my task, I suddenly realize that my butt is hurting from sitting on the metal stool for that long. I stand up to ease the pressure on my butt cheeks and realize that was the wrong thing to do when my daughter takes that as a sign I'm going to go play with her. Before I can explain, she, in imitation of me, is tearing out the door and down the hall, presumably to get the things she needs for our playtime. For a brief moment, I'm tempted to just sit back down and hope that her urge to play with me will pass once she gets around her brother and sister, but glancing down at the flippin' stabilizer, I suddenly realize I really do need to take a break from it and I put my hands on my back and stretch my aching muscles before I go out the door in search of my daughter.

I walk out the door of the TARDIS, shut it and head out of the garage. The moment I step inside, I see Namid and my other son and daughter with Christopher. All of them are in a huddle, presumably discussing what they want to play. I try to sneak past them and follow the voices of my brother and sister who are now with my wife in the kitchen.

"Aha!"

I freeze and the children giggle when I pretend to be shocked that they've discovered me trying to skulk past them. Instantly the children run around me and hem me in so I can't get away. I put on my most winning smile as I look down at Sokanon and Chaska who are on my left and right sides.

"Hello, my children, enjoy your day at the academy?" I say cheerfully. "You did? Good. Well, time for homework before supper. 'Scuse me."

Nope, that didn't work. The children giggle as they grab onto my legs which means in order to walk I'll have to drag them along. I notice Rei is lying on the couch and I send a silent plea to the fox to come help me but apparently foxes aren't telepathic because she could possibly care less that I'm hemmed in at the moment.

Then my salvation comes out the door of the kitchen. My brother, who is always up for playtime with the children. But then again, Daisy, his TARDIS isn't that old and isn't constantly in need of servicing. However, they apparently already asked him because he comes up to our little group, a wide smile on his face.

"So you did find him and got him away from his work," Alan says to the children.

"Yeah, but he doesn't wanna come play. He's being difficult," Namid whinges.

"Difficult? My brother is never difficult. That's not even a word in his vocabulary," Alan says.

He grins at me. An infectious grin that spreads to my face. My brother has a natural ability to put people at ease and cheer them up, no matter what their mood is. He comes closer to me.

"Listen, mate, I realize you have to fix the whosie-watcha-ma-callit of the day," he said to him. "But it's time to take a break and have a bit of fun with the kiddies. So…come on, what'd ya say? A little romp before we eat?"

"I'm not gonna win this, am I?" I asked good-naturedly.

"No!" five voices chorus out and I sigh and smile.

"Okay, I'll play with you lot and that includes the big kid in front of me."

I grin when all of them, Alan included, cheer at that which makes our wives laugh and the laughter that floats in from the kitchen is music to my ears.

"So what do you have in mind for playtime?" I ask them.

"I'm you!" my son says, "and Soki's my companion and Mi-mi and Uncle Alan and Chris are the evil people."

"Good," Alan says, rubbing his hands together.

"What am I then?" I ask.

There it is again, the I'm a moron look.

"I'm the captive, right?" I say.

"Right!" the children say in unison as Alan snickers.

"Well, you're in luck because I've been the captive many times," I say. "So I know exactly what to do. So what are we doing?"

"I'm an evil scientist that's opening up the void so we can let the Daleks loose that you put in there," Christopher says.

Over the past five or six years, when all of them were old enough, I had frequently told the children about some of my adventures which is why they have knowledge of the Battle of Canary Wharf.

"Okay, if you're the one in charge, what am I then?" Alan asks.

"You're…Boobs, my assistant," Christopher says.

"Boobs?" Alan says as Rose and Rain roar with laughter from the kitchen. "My name is Boobs?"

My children are all giggling hysterically which makes me laugh. Alan, my beloved joker of a brother, extends his hand to me.

"Hiya, captive, I'm Boobs, pleased to meet ya," he says.

I shake hands with him.

"Well, since I'm not the Doctor…I'm…"

I pause to think of a name for myself.

"Spongebob!" Sokanon squeals.

Eh, works for me.

"Okay, I'm Spongebob," I say as everyone laughs hysterically. "So who are you, my daughters?"

"Frick and frack?" Alan says, "Bambi and Thumper?"

He winks at me.

"Shiver and Shake?" he says which makes me chuckle.

"How 'bout Breasts and Jugs?" Chaska asks as Christopher giggles.

So…either the boys are becoming interested in the opposite sex or they're being boys and like spouting out rude words to shock me and everyone else. However, that doesn't sit well with the misses who leans out the door and gives our son a stern look. He quickly apologizes and she goes back in the kitchen.

"How 'bout Rainbow and Sunshine," Sokanon says.

My son looks like he's about to vomit.

"Ugh, those aren't evil people's names," he says.

"How 'bout Storm and Tornado then," Alan says.

Both girls consider it and then nod.

"Who's who then?" I say, looking from one to the other.

"I'll be Storm," Sokanon says.

"I'll be Tornado then."

I look at my brother who is sniggering.

"So, for the first time ever in my long career of fighting evil, I've been captured by Boobs, Storm, Tornado and…"

I look at my nephew.

"And your name is?"

"Doctor Doom!" he says in a low, ominous voice.

"Isn't that name already taken?" Alan asks.

"Isn't Spongebob already taken?" I counter.

"Point taken. Okay, Doctor Doom, you lead Spongebob here outside so we can do our worst to him," Alan says.

"Very well. Go, my servants, take Spongebob and tie him up somewhere!"

"No! Have mercy!" I say melodramatically as everyone except Chaska herds me out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I let the children lead me outside with my brother bringing up the rear. They led me to the tree beside our dear friend's shrine and made me sit down under it. I pretended to be shocked when they did nothing further.

"What? You mean you're not gonna tie me up?" I ask innocently.

"No, you're in that force field thing like you were on the Crucible," my nephew replies.

I mime touching it and draw my hand back while I give them all a shocked look.

"Blimey, I am," I say as they giggle. "I'm caught like a rat in a trap, completely at your mercy."

I put my hands behind my head and lean back against the trunk of the tree.

"Okay, I'm ready then, do your worst!"

"Okay, Chas, we're ready when you are!" Christopher yells over his shoulder.

I look at Sokanon who is standing beside me.

"Shouldn't you be in there?" I ask her. "I thought you were the Doctor's companion."

"Yeah, I s'pose I am," she said, walking off towards the house.

I look at Namid who is grinning at me with the cutest little smile.

"Funny, Tornado, you don't look that evil," I tease as I give her a wink.

I notice she is deep in thought and she sits down next to me.

"Sharing my captivity then?" I ask.

"Daddy, this happen a lot for you. Being captured?" she asks.

My hearts melt at the sweet look on her face. My children are such dears and I love it when they are so concerned for me. I love telling them about some of my past adventures and receiving hugs from them when I get to the parts where I was captured or hurt. I put my hand on her head.

"Yup, but I've learned to live with it. Don't worry, Rainbow, I always escape."

My Rainbow lets out a gasp, leaps up and runs to Christopher.

"Hey, Spongebob is over there saying he always escapes!" she said as Alan and I giggle.

I laugh harder when Christopher stomps over and eyes me.

"You're not gonna escape from me!" he says.

"Oh?" I reply, "and just how ya gonna stop me, Doctor Doom?"

My nephew stares at me with a blank look on his face while Alan chortles.

"Well? Out with it! I know you wanna open the void back up but how ya gonna do it, Doctor Doom?" I say to him.

I stare at him but he says nothing in reply, just the blank look while Alan sniggers.

"So…you didn't plan everything out completely," I say.

"Well…what do you think I should do?" Christopher asks.

I raise my eyebrows as my brother laughs harder.

"What do I think you should do?" I say in amusement. "I think you should let me go and leave me alone."

"No, I mean, Uncle Doctor, what should I do?" Christopher asks.

"Oh, oh, so this is an out of character discussion we're having, I see," I say.

I open my mouth to give him some ideas when he suddenly smiles and dashes back into the house. I look at Alan who shrugs and sits down beside me.

"Musta thought of something just then," he says, stretching his long legs out. "So…how are you today, mate?"

"Oh, same as usual, I s'pose. Had to work on the bloody stabilizer."

"Again? Oh, Brother, I think the old girl's is on her last legs. Seems like she breaks down more and more now."

"Tell me about it," I mutter.

I glance up at Namid who is staring down at me.

"Hi, are you going to do something evil to me?" I say as Alan watches.

My daughter hesitates for a moment and then smacks me lightly on top of the head.

"There! That'll teach ya to run your gob," she says.

"Oh! Oh, the pain!" I say as Alan snorts out laughter. "Oh, mercy! I can't take much more of this!"

Namid leans down into my face.

"Did that hurt you, Daddy?" she says with genuine concern.

I give her a bemused look as Alan laughs harder.

"My, what a kind and considerate evil person you are. Beating me up and then making sure it didn't hurt; wish all the baddies had been like you."

"Tell me about it," Alan says, glancing at me.

I smile and enjoy the feel of my daughter's arms around me when she embraces me.

"I don't like hurting you, Daddy."

"Hmm, then why are you a bad guy then?" I ask. "Why aren't you a companion?"

"Okay, I go ask if I can be a companion then," Namid says.

"What about me? I'm left all alone to be the henchman!" Alan calls to her as she runs back in the house.

Namid and Sokanon come out a moment later, anger etched on their faces while my son and Rose follow behind them.

"Daddy! Chas says we can't be companions because we're girls!" Sokanon says as she stomps over to me.

"Girls are icky!" Chaska declares.

"I asked him why you keep bringing girls along if they're so icky," Rose says as they all come up to me.

"Yeah! Rose helped you kick monster butt, Daddy!" Sokanon says to me. "You tell Chas to let us be companions!"

"I don't want girl companions, they're icky!" my son protests.

"No, girl's aren't icky, boys are," Namid says, coming over to me.

"Um…I'm a boy, am I icky?" I say to her while Alan chuckles.

I smile when she hugs me.

"No, you're my Daddy, you're nice," she says before giving me a big, fat smooch on the lips.

My son goes over to Alan.

"You be my companion, Uncle Alan."

"I thought I was Boobs, the henchman," he says as Rose sits down beside him.

"Well, you're not much of a henchman cause you're sitting with the prisoner," Christopher says.

"I was watching him!" Alan protests, pointing to me. "He's a sly one, remember?"

"Yeah, I will escape," I add.

"Why don't you lot guard him and I'll rescue him," Chaska says to his sisters.

Namid sits down beside me.

"I'm not gonna be mean to Daddy. I wanna be a captive too."

"Yeah, me too," Sokanon says sitting down beside her.

"Yeah, me too," Rose adds while I laugh. "You can rescue all of us then, Doctor."

"And I'm still Boobs, the henchman, I s'pose," Alan says, shrugging.

"Okay, you go get in your TARDIS then," Christopher says to Chaska, "and I'll do something nasty to these people here."

"Okay," Chaska says, running off.

He runs around the house as Christopher orders his father to stand.

"You don't sit on the job. You're my assistant!"

"Yes, Master," Alan says in a moronic tone of voice.

Christopher stares at him.

"Why you talkin' like that?"

"Well, I figure with a name like Boobs, I'm probably not a supergenius," Alan says. "I assume you hired me for the brawn and not the brains, yeah?"

"Oh okay, yeah, you watch over them and don't let them get away or I'll kill ya!"

"Yes, Master," Alan says in the moronic tone of voice.

"Okay, so now that's sorted out, we're back to the question of what you're gonna do to me," I say to Christopher.

"I got it!" Christopher says, coming up to me.

"Yeah?" I say.

"Okay!" Christopher says as I and everyone else lean forward to hear what he's dreamed up, "first I'm gonna cut open the top of your head and then I'm gonna put a biiiiig button on your brain and when I push it, the void opens up."

Alan and Rose laugh at the odd look on my face.

"And somehow, you think that'll work," I tease him as my daughters giggle. "How is putting a button on my brain gonna open the void?"

"Cause you're smart and smart people have special powers," Christopher says.

I raise my eyebrow as Alan and Rose laugh harder.

"And my brain is so powerful, the void just flies open if you put a button on it and press," I say.

Christopher shrugs and I pat him on the shoulder.

"Better not breathe a word of that technique to Davros," Alan says to me. "The barmy bugger might actually wanna try it. And knowing him and what we've seen, I'm sure one day a version of him from another universe will come here and plop right down in our laps!"

Rose snorts at that and Alan puts his arm around her. I smile at my nephew.

"Okay, so you're gonna open me up and put a button on my brain, what about the rest of these people?" I say.

"I'll just kill em, they're girls," Christopher says, shrugging.

Rose looks over at me.

"Boy, I'm glad he wasn't around when I was travelin' with ya full time," she says. "I never would have heard the end of it."

"I apologize for my son's chauvinistic tendencies. We will be weeding those out," Alan adds.

"Hey, Boobs, get up and work. What am I payin' ya for?" Christopher says.

Alan stares at him for a moment and then looks at me.

"I know he's just lovin' the fact that he can order his dad around now," he says, getting up from the ground and dusting the dirt off his trousers.

He stares at Rose for a moment and then jerks her to a standing position.

"You! What's your name, prisoner?" he says to her.

Rose sticks out her chin.

"I'm Rose Tyler," she says.

"You!" Alan barks, pointing at her.

He grins.

"You fancy me?"

I laugh at Rose's bemused expression.

"What happens if I answer no?" she says.

"You'll get a button on your bum, Missy, now answer me!"

"Ooo, that's it, we'll put a button on her bum!" Christopher says, grabbing Rose's hand.

I giggle when my nephew leads his mom back towards the house while she visibly protests and wails pitifully.

"Shut your noise,you. You're gonna get a button on your bum!" Christopher says to her.

"But why?" Rose wails.

Christopher pauses a moment in thought.

"Cause I said," he finally says, leading her away.

"Wow," Alan says to me, "he's an evil one alright. Putting a button on someone's bum just to be doing it. Glad I'm on his side. I wouldn't fancy a button on my John Thomas; it might open the gates of Hell or something."

He sits down again while my nephew leads his mother around the corner of the house. My daughters and I giggle at that.

"Being lazy again, Boobs?" I say as my daughters laugh harder.

"Eh, just taking a well-deserved henchman's break before we install the button on your brain," he said. "I don't know if you know this but Chris has a recital coming up in a fortnight and we'd like you to come with us and watch."

"Love to," I reply.

Alan hands me a piece of paper with information on it about the novice's orchestra recital. I read it while my girls glance at it. I hand it back to him.

"We'll be there. Just gotta tell the misses," I say.

"I've told the other brothers about it, you're the last," Alan replies.

I feign anger.

"Blast, I'm always the last to know!" I say while he chuckles.

"Sorry, had to tell Adam and John first. It's one of the rules of the clone union," Alan replies. "All clones must inform other clones of any activity before reporting it to the originals. And I saw Theta and Doc before you so that makes you last, mate."

"Blast, I hate being last. I hate it, hate it, hate it!" I yell as Sokanon and Namid giggle.

Just then I see my son rounding the corner of the house. My eyebrows raise when I notice he has been in my cupboard and has "borrowed" one of my brown jackets and black ties. The jacket's hanging off him and the tie is hastily tied around his neck. He has a screwdriver in his hand, presumably my wife or sister's, and he's walking around scratching his head before he turns and looks at us.

"In the name of all that's sacred!" he bellows as he points at us.

Alan bends over in silent laughter as I stare at him in shock.

"I don't say that!" I say as Alan shakes with silent laughter. "I've never pointed at something and said in the name of all that's sacred before."

My son sprints over to me and practically shoves the screwdriver up my left nostril while my girls laugh.

"Howdy!" he says in a voice deeper than mine, "I'm the Doctor. I'm from Gallifrey and I'm an alien! Who're you?"

I stare at him while Alan erupts in a fresh burst of giggles.

"Nor do I begin conversations with I'm the Doctor, I'm from Gallifrey and I'm an alien," I say bemused. "Where are you getting this from, my son?"

He shrugs.

"Just pretending, Daddy," he says.

"Ah, I see," I say. "Well, go on with the pretending then."

Just then Christopher comes around the corner of the house with Rose who now has a blank look on her face.

"JUMPING JUPITER! IT'S THE EVILDOER!" Chaska screams.

By now, Alan is hysterically laughing as I shake my head and mutter about how I never, ever talk like that in a trillion, billion years.

"YOU SHALL NOT GET AWAY WITH YOUR EVIL DEEDS, EVILDOER!" my son says in a loud voice.

"Oh, but I will. You see I've already put a button on this woman's bum and made her into a robot slave," Christopher says. "And now, Doctor, you will diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!"

This last word is drawn out and said in a low gravelly voice. Alan chuckles.

"We need to go back in and ask Rainy for popcorn. I can't remember when an abduction has been more entertaining," he says.

I sit and stare at the two boys who now rush each other and start a kind of psudo Greek wrestling sparring match while Rose walks over to us and mimes choking me.

"Gah," I say, my tongue lolling out of my mouth while my daughters giggle. "Mercy! Have mercy!"

"SURRENDER EVILDOER OR FACE MY WRATH!" my son yells in a melodramatic tone of voice. "I AM THE DOCTOR AND YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE JUSTICE!"

"Bloody hell, we do need some popcorn!" Alan says while he rests against the tree.

I pretend to fight Rose who is pretending to choke me while my girls lightly slap her back. Just then my son spots me.

"NO!" he yells in a loud cheesy voice, "I MUST NOT LET THE INNOCENT DIE!"

Alan bends over laughing and Rose is giggling hysterically while I shake my head and wonder where my son got the idea I talk like that. Chaska sprints over to Rose, grabs her around the waist and attempts to pull her off me.

"NO! YOU MUST NOT KILL! I AM THE DOCTOR AND MY WORD IS LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"

By now, we're all laughing.

"We need to bring him along whenever we get captured," Alan finally says. "The evildoer will be so busy laughing at his cheesy way of speaking we'll be able to get away."

Then Christopher runs up behind Chaska and pretends to hit him hard on the head. My son's tongue hangs out and he spins around while he walks around like a man who's just drunk ten barrels of ale.

"OH! I FALL!" he yells out melodramatically before collapsing to the ground.

"Heh, heh, heh," Christopher says, rubbing his hands together.

He orders Rose to lay off me and she backs up. Once she's clear of me, Christopher runs up, gets in my face and stares at me with bulging eyes.

"Prepare for your dooooooooooooooooooom!" he says.

He jerks me to my feet and leads me around the corner of the house while everyone else laughs and cheers him on.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: The I am the Doctor and you are the Daleks bit comes from a recording someone did of Matt Smith saying the line and it is so cheesy and over-the-top that I included it here as a joke. If you want to hear it, go to You Tube and search for Matt Smith audio As The Doctor.

Chapter Three

Ah, if only every abduction could be child's play. I follow my nephew who goes into the house briefly and tells me he'll be right back since he has to use the loo. While I wait, I grin when I hear the sounds of laughter outside. My wife sticks her head out of the kitchen when she hears Christopher yelling at me to wait on him.

"Have you been rescued yet?" she asks.

"Nope, just waiting for Doctor Doom to use the bog," I say as I walk towards her.

"Oh. Well, I guess even bad guys have to pee too," she replies.

I breathe in the aroma of cooking food as I near the kitchen. To my delight, I can smell chorizo meat and usually that means she's making tacos with it. My stomach growls just thinking about it. My wife is a wonderful cook and it's because of her that I've developed a taste for southwestern, Mexican and tex-mex cooking. All those years of helping her dad in their Navajo tourist business certainly paid off. If it wasn't for my super-fast metabolism, I'd probably be as big as a hot air balloon by now. I give the love of my lives a kiss and glance over her shoulder. Yup. Chorizo tacos. My stomach growls even more which makes her giggle.

"Almost done, my love," she says, tickling my chin.

"Good, because I'm famished. I want nothing more than to tuck into those tacos," I reply.

I turn her around and pull her close to me, kissing her neck while she sighs contentedly. God, I love this woman. Every year that I spend with her, it just keeps getting better and better. Course, by Gallifreyan standards, I married my wife when I was a toddler which kinda makes me more of a dirty old man than I already am. But then again, she was human when we married so if I go by that, she wasn't a toddler and I'm not a perverted man who marries child brides. But then again, my wife only became an adult twenty five years ago which means up until then I was a perverted man who married a child bride and…um…best not to think about it, it's making my head hurt. Anyway…my wife who is most definitely an adult by human and Gallifreyan standards leans back further into me and turns her head so her cheek is on my shoulder, giving me the pleasure of staring into her beautiful face. The face of an angel as far as I'm concerned.

"Your brother," she murmurs with her eyes closed. "Think he'd be up for taking the children for awhile?"

"I s'pose so, why?"

She smiles. A gorgeous smile that makes my hearts leap in my chest.

"Mmmm, cause I wanna go someplace where we can be along, just the two of us."

"Ooo, I like that sound of that, my butter knife."

She giggles at that.

"I'm glad, my…black and tan," she says.

"That doesn't mean husband if you're trying to use Cockney rhyming slang."

"Well, I'll use my own rhyming slang then. Big fat sore!"

I frown.

"Do what?" I say.

"Doc-tor, big fat sore, see I rhymed your name."

She squealed when I started tickling her armpits.

"Ahem!"

I freeze and turn my head. Christopher is standing right behind me. Mister Perfect Timing has his hands on his hips giving us both a disgusted look.

"Hey! You're s'posed to be my prisoner, not doing icky, girly things with a girl!" he says to me.

I let out a melodramatic sigh.

"Sorry, my precious, gotta go get a button on the brain."

"No!" Rain says, spinning in my arms, "no, spare him his life, I beg of you. Spare the Doctor's life!"

"I'm not the Doctor, I'm Spongebob. Chas is the Doctor today."

I laugh at the odd look on my wife's face.

"Spongebob?" she says, amused. "Really?"

"Yes, his name is Spongebob and I'm Doctor Doom."

"Oh, Doctor Doom, have mercy on Spongebob, I beg of you!"

Christopher rolls his eyes when both of us break down in a fit of giggles at that. He grabs my hand, presumably to get me away from the icky girl before I get girl cooties or something like that.

"No!" Rain says melodramatically as Christopher pulls me towards the door, "oh please for the love of God, spare Spongebob and his square pants!"

I laugh when my wife breaks down in another fit of giggles at that.

"Farewell, my wife, tell Patrick the starfish I fought the good fight!" I say as Christopher practically tears my arm out of my socket in his haste to get me out the door.

"Farewell, my beloved Spongebob!" she says before Christopher herds me out and slams the door behind us.

"Phew, that was close. I had to get you away from Aunt Rain cause you were acting weird," Christopher said to me once the door was closed.

"You really don't like girls, do ya?" I ask him.

He shrugs.

"Eh, they're alright, I s'pose. I just think boys are better, is all," he replies.

"Well, if it wasn't for your mum I might have died several times so don't dismiss girls so easily," I say to him.

Christopher nods.

"My mum is the best," he says.

"Yes, she is and now…shall we get back to the opening me up and putting a button on the brain."

Christopher nods and giggles. He takes my hand and leads me back around the building. I laugh when I see my brother grab Rose and pretend to snog her passionately while the children giggle. He gives me a shocked look and pushes her away.

"I wasn't fraternizing with the enemy!" he says hurriedly. "I wasn't kissing her; I was giving the robot a genetic transfer so she'd function better."

"Yeah, right," his son says as he pulls me over to the tree. "Get up and work, you lazy git!"

"Yes, Master," he says in the moronic tone of voice as he gets to his feet.

Christopher makes me sit down by Rose and pretends to shave my head.

"My hair!" I wail while Rose giggles.

"No, Son, stop! Not the hair!" Rose joins in.

"Nope, gotta put a button on the brain," Christopher says as he pretends to shave. "Busy, busy, busy."

I look at Rose.

"Hear that? Doctor Doom is busy, busy, busy," I say to her.

I glance around.

"Hey, where'd the Doctor go?" I say to Christopher.

"He's being tortured right now. He'll be back later," he replies.

"He's being tortured right now. He'll be back later," I say to Rose.

Just then we hear the most ungodly scream ever.

"NO, YOU CAN'T TORTURE ME! I'M THE DOCTOR!" my son shouts while he stands behind the tree on the other side of the garden.

I look at Rose.

"Yes, I often say that as I'm being tortured," I say while she laughs. "Unfortunately, it usually doesn't help."

"HOW DARE YOU!" my son bellows. "I SHALL REPORT YOU TO THE POLICE FOR THIS!"

Rose laughs.

"I don't think you've ever said that before," she says to me.

"No, I usually don't go to the police after I've been tortured. I sort out the problem on my own."

Rose watches while her son pretends to cut open my head.

"HEY, DOCTOR," I scream. "MY HEAD'S BEING OPENED UP OVER HERE!"

"NO, I MUST PROTECT THE INNOCENT!" my son bellows.

I look at Rose.

"I'm gonna start talking exactly like that and see what happens," I say while she laughs.

Just then, my son runs around the tree towards me.

"I'LL SAVE YOU, SPONGEBOB, AND…"

I laugh when Alan intercepts him and sweeps him off his feet.

"I got him, Master!" he yells out.

"CURSES, FOILED AGAIN! BUT I MUST PREVAIL! JUSTICE DEMANDS IT!"

"Where the hell does he get this cheesy dialogue? Soap opera on the telly?" I say to Rose while she snorts out laughter.

We watch while my son pretends to grapple with Alan.

"Yeah, I really do need some popcorn now, mate!" I call to my brother as he pulls my son down on the ground and pretends to punch him in the face.

"There we go, all finished," Christopher announces as he steps back.

"You mean I have a button on my brain," I say with mock horror.

"Yeppers and now to push it!"

"Hey, Doctor, he's gonna push the button!" I yell to my son.

"NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT…"

"Too late!" Christopher says as he presses on my head.

He begins to make whooshing sounds as he waves his hands around.

"See!" he says to everyone. "The void is opening up! I won!"

Alan looks where he's pointing.

"Not much there so far," he says. "Where are all the Daleks?"

Sokanon hops up.

"I'll be one!" she says.

"Me too," Namid adds, getting up.

"What about you?" I ask Rose.

"I'm a robot slave with a button on me bum. I can't be a Dalek."

"Oh yeah, sorry, Robot Slave. I forgot," I say.

We laugh as my two daughters run around shouting EX-TER-MIN-ATE as loud as they can. My son runs over and thrusts his finger at them.

"NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! I SENT YOU BACK INTO THE VOID! I SAVED THE WHOLE OF REALITY FROM YOU. I AM…THE DOCTOR…AND YOU ARE THE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…"

Rose and Alan bend over laughing as Chaska gets to the A in Daleks and draws it out in a long scream that makes me cringe.

"I do not talk like that!" I yell at him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-LEKS!" he finishes up.

"Okay, hold it!" I say, getting up from the ground and going over to my son who is giggling. "I've sat here and listen to your daft interpretation of me but I have to protest because I would never say anything like that to the Daleks, ever!"

"But I was just telling the Daleks who I am," Chaska says.

"They know who I am. I'm the one that sent them into the void," I say as I tickle him. "I don't think they need to be reminded and if they do, I wouldn't draw out the word Dalek for two minutes straight!"

He laughs harder and Namid, Sokanon and Christopher run over as I continue to tickle him. Alan runs over and joins in while Rose shakes her head and laughs while she watches us. While we're doing that, my wife comes around the corner.

"Okay, I don't know what's going on out here but supper's ready and I think you better stop screaming at the top of your lungs and come eat before our neighbors call the cops and have you arrested for disturbing the peace."

"Tacos are done!" I yell joyfully as I stop tickling my son.

They laugh when Alan gets up at the same time and we play fight, pretending to shove one another out of the way in our haste to get inside. Rain watches us go for a moment before turning to the others.

"Better go in there and get some before they gobble them up," I hear her say.

Me and Alan burst through the door, laughing as we slow down. We look at each other and notice we're a bit dirty.

"Better go clean up a bit," I say to my brother.

"After you, dear brother."

"No," I say, "after you."

"P'eh, and leave you alone with the tacos? I think not," Alan says.

"I won't touch the tacos! You, on the other hand will have them devoured in two seconds flat!"

"Well, since I'm you that must mean you're talking about yourself," Alan counters.

Rain and the others walk past us.

"Come on, children, and by children I mean the two big, thin kids with the ruffled hair. Come and eat," she calls to us.

"After you, old man," Alan says to him.

"No, after you," I reply as Namid stops beside us and listens.

"Age before beauty," Alan says.

"Clone before original," I reply.

"Crinkly before smooth."

"Who you callin' crinkly?" I say with mock anger.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Crumblie, thousand apologies," Alan says.

Namid giggles as I let out a growl and bop him in the nose.

"Oi, watch it, I had work done!" Alan says, clasping his hands over his nose. "It cost a fortune to get this beak!"

"You're gonna think beak when I peck your eyes out, Cloney Boy!"

"Bring it on, Geriatric Wonder!" Alan says while Namid giggles.

I sigh and pat my daughter's head.

"Don't mind us, love. We're a couple of old loony birds," I say as I put my arm around her shoulders and we all walk to the kitchen.

"Yeah, but at least I'm not a crumblie loony bird!"

Everyone laughs as I let out a loud roar and begin to chase him around the room. We run for about twenty seconds before I job back over to my daughter. Alan falls in behind us while the three of us enter the kitchen and go get us some tacos.

THE END.


End file.
